I would consider myself as a poker industry veteran now. I would also consider myself a near expert on poker dating, poker relationships, poker hook ups and the good, bad and ugly of women in poker mixing with men in poker or, of course, trying to date people that are not in the poker industry at all. You need to make a lot of mistakes to learn and when it comes to relationships, dating and poker, mistakes I have sadly made. This means I have learned a lot. Being close friends and acquaintances with people in our beloved poker industry I have also seen a lot, talked a lot and observed a lot relating to poker dating, poker marriages and poker friendships. I figured someone should put out the realities, given I am bored and are sick of writing about serious poker subjects, it may as well be me! Though, when it comes to serious subjects, dating, hookups, relationships and the realities behind them is a serious thing in our lives in reality. By our lives, I of course mean the lives of my fellow poker players, executives and poker media friends in the world.
When I think back at the years gone by and all that I have seen and witnessed, all that I have talked about and all that I have lived, it brings me to make the following immediate recommendations when it comes to being a poker player who's thinking of finding a mate to spend time with, life with, love with, a bed with. They have to understand poker and all that comes with it. They need to have an open mind and be willing to ride the highs and the lows, the travel, the busy times and the early morning wake ups. They also need to be able to separate poker from degenerate gambling and not whine about paying entry into costly tournaments or taking dollars to a ring game on a regular basis. Let me elaborate a little.
I once went on a date with a poker player to whom I will not name other then to say he is officially my most hated person in the world. Now lets remember that I was also a poker player. I really liked this guy and talked to my friend about future prospects, my non poker playing friend. It was only seconds into the conversation when she blurted out "stay away from this piece of shit, he is nothing but a degenerate gambler, find yourself a man that has a real job". With that said, it was friendship over! She had called me names by calling him names. It wasn't about insulting him, in reality she was correct. He also punted on horses, pushed $100 bills through poker machines and smoked a tonne of pot, love is blind, what can I say? She was correct about him, he was the definition of degenerate and much much more, he was also nothing but a mooch, but it was only the poker part of his life that she knew about, the poker part that she referred to. This brought me to the realization that if people I knew were thinking this about people I decided to date in the poker industry, that the men that were thinking about dating me (my poker dates and "non poker industry" dates) friends and families were likely thinking this about me too. God help me! What was I to do? Becoming a crazy cat lady for the rest of my life was one thought! I felt immediately doomed. When it comes to dating, get your date on side before you go any further so they have a good understanding of how poker as a career works and how you aren't selling your shirt any time soon so that they can explain this to those significant in their own lives. That would be speed hump number one out of the way! Make sure they UNDERSTAND what poker is.
Of course a good way to have a date / future love understand is to stick with your own kind! They too are facing the trials of a world that still hasn't accepted a game of mostly skill. They get it! How many poker playing couples do you actually see in a long term and successful relationship though? Think of our beloved A grade players. There truly isn't too many that get together, stay together and live happily ever after. The ones that do though are ever so happy. I cant be sure on why and how they are so perfect together but do have an understanding that they don't seem to push each others playing styles or game styles onto each other. If they do, I don't know how they do it! Think of trying this with friends, it isn't cool and always ends in some sort of argument or resentment. I think they key here is to support them and the game that they have come to be good at. If they are rather new to the game, that's different! Handing over the skills you have, encouraging and uplifting them can only be a good thing! With that said, pushing them in their play style, not yours. Help that tiger of yours go get em' and be humbly proud of every achievement! All in all, I tend to steer clear of other poker players, in fact, I made it a rule at one stage. Mostly my rule was made as I saw so many failures and so much pain from the result of bad poker to poker relationship outcomes. Plus, a lot of players are all a little too cocky for my liking.
When it comes to snagging that perfect and understanding partner that loves you for who you are you really need to put out there what they are in for! No surprises! A lot of the time a poker player is in what can only be described as a long distance relationship, especially if they travel the circuits. Explaining all that comes with "the job" always works better than surprising them with a month in Las Vegas for the WSOP or a trip around Asia for the APPT, etc.. Explanations of long nights grinding online or at the local casino is a must, as is pointing out that sometimes 3am rises are a necessity to play online tournaments. Add to all of this the most distant part of all, day after day, hour after hour at a poker table with no time for them. The sidekick or better half of a poker player has to be a very patient person and they need to be given opportunity to see if their patience can handle it, especially if you are a woman poker player in a male dominated industry, with males you hang with and chat to all the time, many of which pay you a lot of attention and look after you like a sister or daughter.
Of course every poker player has highs and lows in their career. They have bad beats and graphs that express their mood swings they may face. Those people in the life of a poker player should be able to ride the roller coaster with them. Many a great player has buckled at the knees when their dream of winning a big tournament has ended with a bad beat. Grown men cry, grown men yell, grown men go silent. However you handle the lows, this is an important explanation when you are getting close to people. Understanding why you are somewhat "bi-polar" at times is an important concept for a significant other to grasp and be able to deal with. I know I personally want to sit in a corner alone and talk to no one as I relay the crap hand I just went through or even better, if I could find one, an understanding ear that will take me under their arm and give me a hug and wipe away my tears and hand me a drink. The silence that I have sometimes projected as I deal with my horrible loss or downswing is deafening and not for the faint hearted. It has caused me loss of friends let alone potential boyfriends. If only I made these people in my life understand before the shit hit the fan and they thought I was ignoring them due to something they had done.
I suppose the best outcome for anyone sifting through the millions of possible candidates in the world to be a future lover when you are a poker player is to have them take everything into consideration and educate people before moving forward, as mentioned above. There may be some things I have missed, I always miss things and think of them later, if so, add them in the comments! When it comes to me and finding my Mr Perfect, my list is long & isn't really debatable and that's in the best interests of them, to be honest. I haven't spent the last decade plus as a mostly single woman in this game without learning that some things, when it comes to character, in order to deal with my lifestyle are a must. Making a list like I have and ensuring you tick it off (or rather a list that a special someone ticks off) is a good idea. My list goes a little something like this, add a lot more things, these are the main ones:
- Understands I wont touch my bankroll for personal use until I cash out profit
- Understands the seriousness of poker & all it is and that I am not a random bingo player that is willing to gamble my future and explains this to their family and friends
- Is willing to travel or - video call a lot
- Is willing to deal with my roller coaster of highs and lows and support me emotionally
- Can deal with very early starts and very late nights and loves to watch me sleep in their waking hours
- Understands I am there to take other mens money, not flirt with them and hook up (no jealousy) and that I have a lot more male friends than female ones
- Has a good understanding that I breathe, eat and live the game
- Will cater to my needs without question to help my days be easier, just like I would theirs (making food, bringing me food, doing chores, rubbing my shoulders and helping me do laundry during trips away or long weeks at the PC). Again, this is the same as i would do for them and will, when I am having a break.
Given I play a lot less now (online, especially), and are more media in the poker realm, it isn't so hard to check off my list. When it is full steam ahead "poker play chick" though, it means full dedication to my life in all the small ways a man can and mixing two lives together for a perfect balance. Your list and its importance at any given time will depend on your level of play, enjoy making it poker singles! Enjoy the realities that come with dating in this tough, hard world of poker. Enjoy finding that perfect person to complete what is already a beautiful you! Again, as mentioned above, let me know what I have missed. We are a community after all, one that stands united. If you are one of the lucky couples that both play, don't hesitate to shoot me a mail and tell me your secrets! I would love to relay them to my readers and eliminate my own stigma that revolves around dating another player.
